Small penises have feelings too.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Holy sore nipples Batman
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
