forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
