can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
