But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he shaved USA in his pubs
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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