well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
