question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
