My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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