Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
