dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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