so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
