last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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