Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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