where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
