I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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