mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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