I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
