Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We left an ass print on the piano.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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