Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
