The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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