i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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