There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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