It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
