Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
