I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
