I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
