I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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