I am in a vortex of obligation.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
