if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
