you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
