Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
