i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
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