i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
