Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
