i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
