just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You are the jesus of drinking
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
