WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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