Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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