This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
