yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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