So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
