I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
