He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
