She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
