carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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