not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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