You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
