Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
