Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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