Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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