It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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