Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
