I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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