She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
