Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I want to fling myself into the sun
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
