i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
