Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
