And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize