where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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