I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
