is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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