just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
