32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
