You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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