Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
