I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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