Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
