Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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