I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
