Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
