im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
