Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
