If that was your dad, he is hot
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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