after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
