You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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