she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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