HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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