I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
