and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
