Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
