just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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