in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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