dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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